jokes-of-the-day


i work in a busy office where a computer going down causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor. "This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror.

"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"

-----------------



Helping a blond lose weight

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde

-------------------



Mother's dictionary
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning:
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

-----------------



True stupid stories 02
Newt Gingrich says that the major networks should give free air time to anti drug messages. For example, they should come on during your favorite show and talk about how drugs and alcohol are a dead end street... and now back to Nash Bridges starring Cheech Marin and Don Johnson. (Maher)

------------------



Things to ponder
Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper
with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding,
what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards,
would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

------------------------



You might be a redneck if ...

Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

You take the back window out of your pickup
because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

When the back fills up with empty beer cans,
you get another pickup and start all over again.

Tired of waiting days for fixes? Click here to get 3000 channels.. NO DOWNTIME, Guaranteed!

Lol >> >> >>

__________________

Tired of waiting days for fixes? Click here to get 3000 channels.. NO DOWNTIME, Guaranteed!