Computer Health Warning

When downloading software from the web you risk infecting your computer with a virus.

The most dangerous being.....




Psychiatrist Virus :: There’s no change to your computer but a very large bill appears from the printer.


Vet Virus :: Your mouse develops a nasty squeak and runs away when you try to use it.


Pantomime Actor Virus :: Your computer works. Oh no it doesn’t. Oh yes it does. Oh no it doesn’t . . . . .


Office Junior Virus :: All your computer files rearrange themselves randomly.


Teacher Virus :: Big red crosses appear all over your screen with a message saying “Stay behind after class.”


Civil Servant Virus :: Everything you type appears in triplicate.


Athlete Virus :: Your C.D. Disc suddenly ejects and flies 100 metres across the room.


Salesman Virus :: A warning message appears telling you that your computer urgently needs a new printer, memory and modem.


Doctor Virus :: A message appears saying that your computer has been checked and is in perfect condition. Ten minutes later it drops down dead.


Lap Top Dancer Virus :: Your lap top starts to dance.


Magician Virus :: Everything you have typed disappears and a rabbit pops up out of the C.D. drive.


Student Virus :: Your computer will laze about doing nothing for days on end.

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Insult One Liners




"You are two rungs short of a ladder.”


"You are three French fries short of a happy meal.”


"You are ten brick short of a wall."


"You couldn't find water in a bucket!"


"You couldn't find Scotland with a compass.”


"You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”


"You’re few clowns short of a circus.”


"You’re a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.”


"You are an experiment in Artificial Stupidity."


"Your wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead.”


"Your porch light's on, but nobody's home.”

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LMAO LOL good stuff pal

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This is 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% Pleasure, 50% Fifty pain, And a 100% reason to remember the name!


my help is for education only...

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Insult One Liners


"You don't have all your cornflakes in one box."


"You are all foam and no beer."


"You are a few peas short of a casserole."


"The cheese has slid off your cracker."


"Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel."


"You’re as smart as bait – but less attractive.”


"You are a few beers short of a six-pack.”


"You don’t have all your dogs on the one leash."


"You don’t know much but top the league in nostril hair.”


"You’re a few feathers short of a whole duck.”


"Your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.”

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Funny Insult Jokes



"You forgot to pay your brain bill.”


"Your sewing machine's run out of thread."


"Your antenna doesn't pick up all the channels."


"You’re missing a few buttons on your remote control."


"If you had another brain, it would be lonely."


"You haven’t got the brains god gave turnips."


"You have an intellect only rivalled only by garden tools.”


" You would need to study to become a half-wit."


" Your brain is so small there’s an echo in your head when you talk”


"You haven’t got sense enough to spit downwind."


" There’s no grain in your silo."

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Funny Insult Jokes




" Your receiver is off the hook."


"Your chimney's clogged!!!”


" You have too much yardage between the goal posts."


" You are full-grown in body only."


"Your as confused as a baby in a topless bar."


" You have nothing under your hat but hair.”


" You’re not the brightest crayon in the box."


" Both your oars aren't in the water."


" You’re one quarter short of a dollar.”

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Great Insults


"Your body’s in town but your brains back in the village."


"Your autopilot has gone out"



"You couldn’t lie your way out of a paper bag"


"You have the brains of a worm and half its looks."


"You’ve reached your apex and still can’t see over the wall."


"You are a cup and saucer short of a full setting."


"You are you"


"You are listening but there are SO MANY words."

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Great Insults



"You have a few candies missing from your jar."


"You’re as sharp as a bowling ball."


"You are a few clowns short of a circus."


"You are one X short of a Y!"


"You are several book short of a library."


"You are one Smartie short of a tube "


"Your as bright as midnight."

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Funny Insult Quotes




"Your as quick as a tree”


"Your as quick as a tortoise on Prozac."


"You haven’t got all the dots on your dice."


"You suffer delusions of adequacy."


"You’ve got rooms to let in your attic."


"If brains were taxed, you’d get a rebate."


"You’re not the brightest light in the harbour."


"You’re not the brightest light on the Christmas tree."


"You are one tambourine short of a Salvation Army band."

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Funny Insult Quotes



"You’re not the sharpest hook in the tackle box."


"You’re a few electrons short of an electric shock."


"You could get lost in your own bed."


"You are one vote short of an overall majority."


"You are prime candidate for natural deselection."


"You are a living testimony to evolution."


"You went to the fountain of knowledge and threw in a dime."


"You are two hub caps short of a Ford Mondeo."


" You would be out of your depth in a mud puddle."

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Tired of waiting days for fixes? Click here to get 3000 channels.. NO DOWNTIME, Guaranteed!