Yo mama is so fat that I run around her for exercise.



Yo mama is so fat that when she asked,
- “Why is the grass always greener on the other side?” Everyone replied,
- “Cause you aren't standing on it.”



Yo mama is so fat that when she hauls ass she gotta make two trips.



Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.



Yo mama's so dumb she sat on the TV and watched the couch!



Yo mama's so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.



Yo mama's tears go down her butt because they are too scared to go down here face!



You're so ugly, yo' mama had to tie a porkchop around your neck to get the dog to play with you!



Yo mama is so hairy her knees have bangs!



Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.



Yo mama is so fat, she shows up on radar.

__________________

Tired of waiting days for fixes? Click here to get 3000 channels.. NO DOWNTIME, Guaranteed!

- What do you call a surrealist painter wearing boxing gloves?
- Mohammed Dali.



An Artist had made sculptures out of cow patties. Critics were calling him a bull**** artist...



Mr Nilnort was a true minimilist artist. He opened an exhibition with nothing in it and called it,
- "The rip off".



A man walked into a Gallery and noticed a $15,000
price tag on a wall but no art work. Curious he asked
the Curator where the artwork was, she said:
- "The Wall"



- Why are vampires artistic?
- They're good at drawing blood.



Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further. So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine. One day while he was up on the scaffolding - the job almost finished - he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened. The downpour washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off his scaffold and onto the lawn among the gravestones and puddles of thinned and worthless paint. Jock knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried:
- "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice:
- "Repaint! Repaint! and thin no more!"

__________________

A husband and his wife who have been married twenty years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife,
- "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill."
She says nothing and ignores the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill. Then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps,
- "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!"
She ignores this remark as well. Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds,
- "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."



A guy meets a gorgeous woman at a bar. After an evening of drinking, they both go back to her place. Within minutes of arriving, they are on the bed. He removes her blouse and skirt. Then, he pulls off his pants and shirt. He gets on top, and begins to make love to her. After awhile, he notices that with each stroke he takes, her toes curl up.
- "Wow," he thinks, "I am Good!" and intensifies his thrusting. At this point, she stops him.
- "What's wrong?" he asks, "I thought you were enjoying this?"
- "I'd enjoy it even more," she says, "if you took off my pantyhose."

__________________

lmao---thats a good 1

__________________
Testing=Sv4K, Nfusion hd , Captain 8k & 7K(with dongles, 4 weather ) & CS5K
and a 33' dish with a sg2100 motor
and invacom quad polar lnb, Oh and my wifes patientce
I love bird watchin

Funny Extracts From Insurance Claim Forms


"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

__________________

The Greatest Lies in the World


The check's in the mail.

I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.

I thought I already gave you that money I owed you.

I promise I'll pay you back next Friday.

I've never been this drunk before.

I'll never get this drunk again.

I've checked this Email out, and it's really not a hoax.

Now we're even.

I'm fine.

We found and fixed the last bug!

The software will ship on schedule.

It was as simple as that.

It's all your fault!

I love you.

You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the Pill.

__________________

The Greatest Lies in the World


I don't need to use a condom; I've had a vasectomy and tested negative for STDs.

A representative of the government says...

We'll have the repairs on your car done by noon.

Operator, my calling card number is...

You look like you haven't aged a day.

No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.

This is what it will cost to repair your car.

If elected, I promise...

You're going to love working here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Nine out of ten people surveyed said...

Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.

I'll only take a minute of your time.

Our cellular phones will give you more freedom...

100% compatible with your existing equipment.

!!Make Money Fast!!

Lose all the weight you want!

I'm being totally unbiased.

I promise I'll pull out in time.

__________________

The Greatest Lies in the World



With all due respect...

For your convenience...

In order to serve you better...

I'm planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.

I'll call you.

I never meant to mislead you.

My wife (husband) is okay with me seeing other people; s/he just doesn't want to know about it.

I'm not leaving you for him/her; I just need some space to think things through.

This will only hurt a little.

This will hurt me more than it does you.

I'm doing this for your own good.

It's only for a little while...

I didn't mean any harm.

Oh well, no harm done...

It was an accident.

I didn't do it.

I don't know who did it.

We are experiencing a peak level of call volume...

__________________

The Greatest Lies in the World



Free Adult XXX Web Site!!!


No obligation!


You may already be a winner!


This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.


I know it's none of my business...


I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...


This should be easy.


To speak to a representative, press "9".


It's nothing personal.


This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.


I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking any time I want.


New and Improved!


Trust me.


That was special.

__________________

Funny Funny stuff
Your`re Forgetting
It`s not you its me

__________________
The San Diego Chargers is the best team in the NFL!!!!!!!!!!!



Unauthorized decoding of encrypted signals from either domestic or foreign providers is against the law. I personally do not, nor condone such activities.

Tired of waiting days for fixes? Click here to get 3000 channels.. NO DOWNTIME, Guaranteed!