Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Middle Eastern countries.
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
4. If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
6. If you purchase worthless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
7. If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses, and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by doing the following:
1. Spending it at yard sales
2. Going to ball games.
3. Spending it on prostitutes, beer, or tattoos.
These are the only businesses still operating in the U.S.

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